dirty schoolyard rhymes dirty schoolyard rhymes

Come and turn us into foam, I remember still can remember poems from my childhood. When you take me to the bedroom MUMBLE, KICK, No more pencils La mozakra baad alyoum .. Le3b alkorah aham aham ", "Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your wardrobeAnd daddy came in with the lady next doorAnd they got undressedAnd all their clothes were on the floor, And they got up on the bedAnd then they did that thingThat you did with Uncle JohnWhen daddy was away, last Spring. Chunks is my dog. And when were married, well raise a family I do not know, in an English Country Garden. Stella Ella Ola is an easy-to-learn hand clapping game for groups of kids (ideal for groups larger than 3). Oh, my! Presented as inarticulate and stupid, imaginary Indigenous people were unceremoniously hunted when children played Cowboys and Indians, a game that reinforced the idea that massacre was a kind of Manifest Destiny and that the original people in this land were, in fact, worthy of the kill. We love our bread, we love our butter. Tell me no more lies Mosquitoes are worse. with splits right up the sides. Behind the frigerator God knows what happened up there, They came down with a daughter. My daughter didnt know it when I chanted it this morning to her. The Star-Spangled Banner also has racist lyrics, and its one of the reasons some Black Americans dont celebrate the Fourth of July. You know they were the dirty jokes/tales/limericks/songs, etc., which introduced you to new vocabulary and aspects of human behavior with which you may have been previously unfamiliar. And the dish ran away with the spoonyeah! A parrot to read the register, A crocodile to sharpen the pencils, A canary to teach singing, An adder to teach maths, An octopus to make the ink, An elephant to hoover the floor, An electric eel to make the computer work, A giraffe to look for trouble at the back, A tiger to keep order at the front, [19] An adaptation"Miss Lucy had some leeches"has been recorded by Emilie Autumn[20] and another"Mrs. Landers was a health nut"featured in the South Park episode "Something You Can Do with Your Finger".[21][22]. say the bells of St. Martins; A parody of the New Zealand national anthem. Miss Susie and her boyfriend Sexy! I'll wee on plants. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. And that's what makes it priceless! And twittle your taddle. I know I know my mother, When I was in grade school it was: We all live in a bucket of urine (rhymed with "marine," 'natch.) Shes got mountains on her chest! Here are some classics that will surely get them hooked. Below we have written some of the rhymes we use in our school playground: Have you ever, ever, ever, in your long legged life Back in thoes days.Delight & groove on!Enjoy the beat | Like | Share | SubscribeCheck out Save the Lost. 8 DIY: Funny Dirty Poems. She took it round the corner, and taught it how to Fry an egg for breakfast, fry an egg for tea. Back to the top. mercy. im a freshman currently, and at our school, Hinderwood 7 yr. ago. Some like it in the pot, nine days old, Three, six, nine Depending on how long they were on that hill it could be kidnapping or a really long wait from conception to child birth. on Friday, June 25th, 2010 at 9:31 am and is filed under Children's Songs, Countries & Cultures, English, Languages, Mama Lisa, School, Schoolyard Chants, Teaching, United Kingdom, USA. 8. Have you ever, ever, ever in your long legged life seen a long legged sailor with a long legged wife? It has to be with YOU! What rhymes with hug me? To stick his cocktatation I told ma, ma told pa, When/where I was it was Three more days and well be free/from this place of misery/no more pencils, no more books/no more teachers dirty looks!. Every kid in my generation sang this on the last day of school every year. You can find the lyrics below with 2 videos showing how to chant and clap to the song. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Down by the river, down by the sea, Today ought to be the last day of school, but for some reason its not. Nobody likes me, Everybody hates me, Going to the garden to eat worms. Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot. In fact, they stick in the mind like bubble gum to a shoe." writes Judy Sierra in her introduction to this lively collection of traditional playground chants. "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. For example, here are 12 amazing Asian Americans you didnt learn about in school. The rhyme approaches taboo words, only to cut them off and modify them with an enjambment. Oranges and lemons, They are easy to remember. And he told us of his life When I grow rich, Kick the teachers Racing car, number nine, losing petrol all the time; how many gallons did he lose? Rudolph the snot nosed reindeer had a terribly bad cold. 9 The Best Dirty Poems. If you want a demonstration This popular rhyme, and the gestures that accompanied it, were considered benign through the early 2000s. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. achieve a higher level of artistry than typical playground ditties. Tear off your underwear. 4 The People Upstairs by Ogden Nash. [Pharrell:] Everybody get up [Robin Thicke:] OK, now he was close Tried to domesticate you But you're an animal Baby, it's in your nature Just let me liberate you You don't need no papers That man is not your maker And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl [Robin Thicke:] I know you want it I know you want it I know you . july dont eat eat eat There are a number of children's rhymes based around this melody; for more information about the melody and its original lyric, see the Streets Of Cairo.This writeup, on the other hand, will be devoted to the modern mutations of this tune as performed by the children of . : The Hidden Racism of Childrens Literature and the Need for Diverse Books. In the town where I was born My knees go wobbly too . .. I want you to be squirming Way past after dar-ar-ar-ar-ark! Roses are red, That caused such surprise. and put it in the oven for Baby and me, Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold You make my heart go pitter pat, Rhymes for Young Ghouls 6.50 HD 2013 88 min Red Crow Mi'kmaq reservation, 1976: By government decree, every Indian child under the age of 16 must attend residential school. Oh wow, this brought back so many lost songs in my memory! His balls went clang. the first of May! While not a nursery rhyme, per se, this quintessentially American childrens song also has troubling roots. Hitler - has only got one ball Black children have been terrorized over the years by this songs explicit references to slavery, as it happily sings about the ole massa gone away. While youll still hear it today, this song was popularized in the 19th century and often used in blackface minstrel shows. Want to hear a dirty joke? 10. Ouch with regards to the goat and peas. Its a cool song really, Mama Lisa :D Want to hear a clean joke? Zipping up their The song has developed many variations over an extended period, as is common for such rhymes. Tell him what you told me. Miss Susie had a tugboat The poems that use the form range from sweet through to funny and some are borderline offensive. Watch on. My darling Valentine! And Lightning shot out of his ass. Sprouted out of his ass. German spies,[5] raving aunts,[5] and so forth. You sneezed on Miss Muffet. These rhymes are specially chosen by our unique songwriting rhyming dictionary to give you the best songwriting rhymes. <33. True love for me No, instead theyre going to make us all drag our lazy butts up ONE MORE TIME on Monday for a miserable half day so our kids can get their report cards. No more books The tugboat had a bell Repeat entire thing until you get to your bus stop. When will that be? and now she is sick. and (to the tune of Whistle While You Work) Read our articles below for some inspiration, or exchange your steamy and romantic ideas in the Forum. Pompom beauty, extra cutie, alt: Plus, as Nel notes, all of us remember that the songs main character is a Black Mammy, and cultural memory runs deep. half the night, but he learned. [2][3], "Miss Molly" redirects here. The way you give me Dark, dark, dark 13 Humpty Dumpty jump over the fence fence fence Was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea, Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, bakers man; We were a bunch goody two-shoes. Brundle your strundle. There was a piece of glass Youve always had it. Bread and Butter can be used as a Hello or Goodbye Song. Jesus paid for our sinsNow let's get our money's worth. (jumper responds) Eight, Eight plus eight is? and take me to bed! Roses are Red. say the bells of Shoreditch; And they all went to heaven Roses are red, Mama Lisas Christmas Around The World is a celebration of the diversity and love with which many different cultures mark this joyful time of year. Dark is like a movie, Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, say good-night! The idea for Jonathan Coulton's "First Of May" stemmed from a "dirty" schoolyard rhyme which itself derives from a far older sing-song from a previous century, which itself had origins in ancient pagan fertility rites on the eve of Beltane, the Celtic name for the month of May. (Around six or seven.). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The books were written in the 1950s, showing that the rhyme has been around for a long time. Leaving a trail of green snotty slime. Apples, peaches, pears and plums LOVE this! 7 Dirty Poems for Her: The Atheist. And thats how they created me! Last modified on Thursday 19 January 2023. Roses are thorny. The rhyme starts with the rope being swung back and forth, not over. If you really want to steam things up, try something new together with our 100 Kamasutra sex positions. 2 Skin Stealer by Shel Silverstein. You are such a sexy person Donald - has two but theyre too small Rhyming games take several forms, falling roughly into these overlapping categories: circle dances (eg. Powered by Discourse, best viewed with JavaScript enabled, Best Dirty Jokes/Rhymes/Songs from Childhood. Heres more on the psychology of how we learn prejudice. I'm floating on cloud nine. We didnt know any WWII evil dudes besides Hitler and Mousellini, so we substituted names from our gang, rotating whomever it was that had no balls at all (presumeably the most insulting). I am currently: Adult - adult nursery rhymes, *rude**swearing*. You put out the fire. Singer-songwriter. Googling, to my utter amazement, has turned up nothing for me as yet. It was written in the 19th century by Stephen Foster, the composer of Camptown Races and Old Folks at Home (better known as Swanee River), and according to Nel, it was originally sung in N**ro dialect. He adds that its second verse uses the N-word and treats the deaths of African Americans as a comical, silly event: I jumpd aboard the telegraph and trabbled down de ribber, 7 On the Ning Nang Nong by Spike Milligan. There once was a man named McSprocket, off to prison you must go, 14. Thanks so much, my mum has been searching for the end to this poem and will be so happy. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, say your prayers he wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what he said, said, said: Nobody mentioned Alice Cooper uses the lyrics No more pencils no more books no more teachers dirty looks. Warning: We are talking about racism in this article. Cinderella dressed in yella, went upstairs to see her fella, made a mistake and kissed a snake, how many doctors did it take? But, in reality, it was just a chant of glee about the school year ending and the start of summer. A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. English translation: No more studying from now .. playing football is much more important. Dougie - has something simlar Hello! watch and chain, watch and chain; By Darren Sardelli. De lectrick fluid magnified, and killd five hundred n**gers. One American childrens song about the latter, Mammas Little Baby Loves Shortnin Bread, was originally titled Mammys Little Baby Loves Shortnin Bread. But even with this change, Mammy and Mamma are so close in spelling and sound, it is nearly impossible to separate the two in this song that mocks African American language and confines Black women to White womens kitchens. 2. with her big black stick Glossophilia is taking a trip down memory lane with a series of posts on childhood songs and rhymes: when we skipped in the school playground, bounced on our parents knees, twisted our tongues around gob-stopping riffs, learned our lessons with nifty mnemonics, and recited delighted silly nonsense. The rocket went bang. "That was the way I heard it at my . Though I, too, heard the tiger version when I was a kid, he says, the rhyme has such a strong association with the N-word that it should be retiredpermanently. Violets are Blue, Ill write it in Arabic, then the English translation follows ;) Hed bang them together Now repeat after me.."I want to be your love slave". Pease porridge in the pot, nine days old So, what now? If he hollers, let him go, Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Childhood rhymes and rhyming games can be traced back to as early as the 17th century in the English language, and like most songs and poetry passed down orally through the generations especially those enjoyed by children the rhymes can be found and remembered in many different national, regional and cultural variations. Below we have written some of the rhymes we use in our school playground: A sailor went to sea, sea, sea. Plus, if you decide you want to balance out your rude Valentine's poem with a more romantic one too, we've got loads of more traditional Valentine's love poems to browse. Good lord, I cant believe what this question dredged up: My mommy lies over the ocean Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, Oldschool, hip-hop, groove - Dirty Nursery Rhymes. Vive* les vacances, point de pnitences, I know I know my sister Picture books; DDC classification: [E] LOC classification: . There is some offensive language below. Here comes a candle to light you to bed, And so on through the 12th grade. June 25th, 2010. 12. RD.COM Arts & Entertainment Books Children's Books. What do you do when you've been for a poo. No more sitting on a hard school bench! Mike, 10, saxophonist, Whoa! K-I-S-S-I-N-G is a popular schoolyard rhyme / playground song that is used in the USA and in UK. If jumpers miss or get caught in the rope entering or exiting they have to start back at kindergarten. The history and meaning of these holidays is discussed, often with examples of traditional songs. As we sail the yellow sea The memories of childhood touch us forever! Flies are in the backyard, You owe me five farthings, My fair lady. Violets are blue Roses are red, violets are blue, it's gonna take dental records to identify you. Plus a pinch of pure love Turned on the switch, As Robin Bernstein, author of Racial Innocence, puts it, racist tropes often hide in plain sight. In childrens nursery rhymes, an obviously racist, sexist, or anti-Semitic term might have been replaced with a word considered less offensive, but the new term can be just as triggering to BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) as the original epithet. Sheesh. The rhyme is arranged in quatrains, with an A-B-C-B rhyme scheme. In Looney Tunes Horse Hare, created in 1960, as Bugs kills injuns, he shoots and sings, keeping a score sheet of tally marks for his kills. 5. You are out! Ditching racist nursery rhymes like this are just one of the small ways you can fight racism every day. There once was a Scott named McAmeter. Tickle your wickle. the skipper should end on his or her birthday. 13. Little Miss Muffet. I said it to my son this morning because today was the last day of 5th grade for him. No more sitting on a hard school bench!, Perhaps the book she is thinking of is one of the nigel molesworth/st custards (always in lower case) books by Geoffrey Willans, illustrated by Ronald Searle. In the song Schools Out, No more Latin, no more French, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc. Theres penises in the kitchen say the bells of St. Clements; Jon Bratton 2004Adapted from a limerick. Pinging is currently not allowed. I have a pussy too This rhyme also crossed over into new mediums and played on Saturday-morning cartoons featuring beloved good guys like Tweety and Bugs Bunny. (An alternative and longer version begins with the verse: Gay go up and gay go down, To ring the bells of London town. Perhaps theres more overall civility in schools nowadays. I'm too old to feel comfortable slandering Madeline. Ask me no more questions says the great bell of Bow; The two websitesprojectbritain.comandprimaryhomeworkhelp.co.ukare the new homes for the Woodlands Resources. In fact, its origin is thought to come from an 18th-century collection of nursery rhymes. There's a place in France, Where the naked ladies dance. To increase the population And that is the end of this silly little verse. Child two: Under where? Can't wait to get you on your own *grammaticaly it should be vivent in plural since its les vacances but the word vive (Let/long live) tends to pass as a set word in singular. See dirty used in context: 100+ rhymes, 7 Shakespeare works, 1 Mother Goose rhyme, several books and articles. "Mother, where do babies come from?". In its music, the band picks up on schoolyard rhymes that used to drive its members nuts as kids. It's an auto updated playlist dedicated to these latest (first 25 with at least 2 upvotes) posts in r/BeatsNRhymes . by Cat Stevens, Pingback: Links | Loves Where She's Landed, E by gum werent it fun 13 Nursery Rhymes Retold For Adults Rewrite & illustrate nursery rhymes. Salute to the Captain,Bow to the Queen, Swing rope over head on over and continue in normal rope swing. Some like it hot, some like it cold, According to the New York Times, by age four, children recognize basic racial stereotypes. Charlie Chaplin went to France The son-of-a-bitch Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to show your partner or the special person in your life just how much you love them. I can't help remember our last day of school chant from when I was a kid. I heard the news. 201 Poems & Songs, 390 Pages, with Links To Recordings, A place for poems, songs, rhymes, and traditions from around the world for both kids, Whoever the children are in your life - your kids, your grandkids, your students, even yourself (in your heart) -. Remember the days of the old schoolyard? See more details here at Amazon. You could have it made into a piece of personalised artwork (though you might want to hide this one from the kids and any visitors! Card and poem = sorted! However, despite the AJCs victory, the same anti-Semitic language continued to circulate in a 1975 Viking Press edition of Mother Goose that could be found in American libraries at least through the early 1980s. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jill got a shock and pussy full of cock, And they came back down with a daughter. Zinty tinty figgery fell, Bake me a cake as fast as you can." Patty Cake is the most classic and simple clapping game out there. If you normally cringe at soppy Valentine's love poems, then scroll through our gallery below for some rude and naughty alternatives. She says, I'd like to be young againAnd pretty, with poise, finesse***POOF***In less than it takes to blink an eyeShe's a beautiful princess, While considering her third wishThe old woman's cat wanders inOohcan you change him into a prince? Pick up a leaf . Three men were sitting around telling stories about how trashed they were the night before. Oh no, here comes Miss Blackwell 6 The Encounter. I never heard any of these. It also morphed into the equally problematic Ten Little Indians, which is offensive toward Indigenous people. the chant is the same except for the last four lines; Reportedly, hand-clapping games can positively impact a child's cognitive and socio-motor skills .Since these games are usually played in pairs, they are also a great way to develop social skills. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc. And turn your back on the Nazi submarine! Little Boy Blue. The rhyme is organized by its meter, a sprung rhythm in trimeter. Top 10 Nursery Rhymes Revised To Make Sense in 2016, Top 10 Old Nursery Rhymes Revised- Rock A Bye Baby. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Our books feature songs in the original languages, with translations into English. Plagues, prostitution, burning at the stakenone of these are topics you would talk to a toddler about. What better use is there for the day of love than to surprise your lover with something extra sexy? In order to justify slavery, slavers propagated the libel that people of African descent were inherently more animal, less civilized, and thus less human. In the end, using the word monkeys doesnt eliminate racism from the nursery rhymeit simply reestablishes it. Roses are red But directly in between, Violets aren't blue, they're violet There once was a man from Madrass Took a room in a whorehouse in Natchez. (to which I can only add: hu-huh, he said ass). Funny poems are a great way to introduce poetry to children. Theres penises on the chair Chicago, 1947. I . Rhyme- and song-based schoolyard games are found in every country and culture basically anywhere that has a spoken language where children are allowed to play freely. They are easy to remember. the boys could see her Thighs. We all live in a purple toilet bowl, etc., x2. Okay. met a long legged sailor with a long legged wife. My Brothers in jail As in, don't date until you're 24 or older? In addition, the cartoon itself traffics in all the usual caricature of Native Americansmurderous, speaking broken English, and the generic feather headdress.. What a gorgeous mouth you have, the better to taste me with. No Ive never, never, never in my short legged life seen a short legged sailor with a short legged wife. In the second round (First Grade) all the jumpers jump in, jump one time, then jump out. Up jumped Jaws and bit off his Cocktails and ginger ales, half a pint a glass. 'twas split right up the front. His reply. Included are more than 50 verses ranging from the familiar jump rope rhyme about the mythical lady with the alligator . that come to bed gaze. Marianina , Marianina, do not roam, He showed it to the girl next door. Dirty looks. Under the bram bush But if you're still in need of some other ideas for ways to celebrate Valentine's Day, take a look at our picks for the best films to watch on Valentine's Day. 4. Bake me a cake as fast as you can; Have you ever, ever, ever in your short legged life seen a long legged sailor with a knock-kneed wife? I'll never use a hanky. And only some roses are red Who stuck his dick up a socket. Take off your clothes, RZA - Cuttin' Headz. There's so much I'd like to do to you. A place for poems, songs, rhymes, and traditions from around the world for both kids and grown-ups to enjoy! And give you a shower! This song is sometimes combined or confused with "Miss Lucy had a baby", which is sung to the same tune and also served as a jump-rope song. Now it doesnt work. Rich man, poor man, beggar man thief; doctor, lawyer, Indian chief, Ibble obble black bobble, ibble obble out; turn a dirty dishcloth inside out; once if its dirty, twice if its clean; ibble obble black bobble, you are out. I want to be a saucy devil. Ashes! I want to try out something new. No More Books! We were too young to have experienced WWII. The boat began to rock. At the age of 12, I could have provided dozens of such examples. Sonny. Its racist for many reasons, Nel says, one of which is that its performance depends upon caricaturethe performers fingers make upward-slanting eyes for Chinese and downward-slanting for Japanese. [17][self-published source], Later versions developed by embellishment: adding, removing, and adjusting stanzas involving kissing, boys in bathrooms, a little black boy, bras, King Arthur, questions and lies,[18][unreliable source?] But poor old Steven has no balls at all. Totally, completely Here's one of the best short funny poems on having a cold. We recommend our users to update the browser. To be anti-racist, we must look at our everyday routines, our communities, and our own familieseliminating even some of the things that have brought us joy as children so the next generation can be healthier and stronger. You totally set me on FIRE! I'll be the one to call you baby at night. This ones too tight, Ill try another Dating back several centuries, rhyming games serve several purposes linguistic, social and physical for the nurturing of young, growing minds: to explore and develop language, to allow and experience an acceptable form of criticism and rejection, to develop physical coordination, and to teach the social behaviors of turn-taking, rule-setting, cooperation, and playful competition. "Not another word. This is where they clap hands with each other whilst saying a rhyme. In our purple toilet bowl. Child one: Yuck, you ate underwear! I collected these at the National Music Camp in summer 1980. In the first video it's used as a Hello Song and in the second video it's used as [] No More Teachers! George: And thats not my finger. The problems continue in the Tweety version. Cromple your string. Thank you, I enjoyed your post. I still love you so much. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, go upstairs Nonetheless we got a kick outta this ditty: (to the tune of Bridge on the River Kwai) They range from being slightly cheeky to seriously X-rated, so there's something to suit everyone and your partner is sure to appreciate whatever you choose! SIZZLER, SPLIT. Today, parents use the same rhythmic language of this rhyme in Ten Little Monkeys. But subbing in the word monkeys not only fails to redress the wrongs of the original language, but its also traumatizing in a different, though related, way. That story's badExactly what you've just told me. ell dell dominell, I have a penis Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, that will do! School Library Journal Review K-Gr 1-At the end of a satisfying day, Cowpoke Clyde decides that the only thing he'd forgotten to clean was his "ol' Dawg, his faithful, snorin' friend,/all caked with mud from end to end." . Pull down your pants and suffocate the ants. And that is all I know (jumper responds) Two, Two plus two is? Mom, you guys were weird in the old days! old days?!? Please lie down. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Push the button, But all that he could see, see, see. Johnny got a spanking so ha ha ha. 1 Now We Are Six by A.A. Milne. Double: Make fists with your hands and touch your partner's knuckles. Try out these lines and watch people go, "Oh, damn!". But I want to do more than that. under the tree (boom boom boom) Whoop de doop de doo Nursery Rhyme K-I-S-S-I-N-G (Kay Eye Ess Ess Eye En Gee) with Lyrics and Music. Off to prison you must go, What are some good scavenger hunt clues for kids? haha, things have changed! Youre also welcome to share other end of school year chants (in any language though we appreciate translations!). This silly little nursery rhyme is a great counting tool, and it's got a tiger in it. zuty putty toory rope, Structure. It was funny at twelve because it was about sex. How to manage by sleeping in snatches. Roll it and pat it and mark it with B, They belong in history books and museums, so that future generations will never forget that even childrens culture assisted White supremacy and helped maintain racism across generations and over hundreds of years. Lions, tigers and bears! Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. hahaha. Let your imagination run free. Thankfully, there are plenty of books that contain nursery rhymes that center and affirm the value of Black and Brown people, as well as people of all cultures. Ed: No, you guys dont get it. The line broke . So Christmas is celebrated like a giant outdoor block party. early. I love you around the clock, Be my valentine, As a trailer, here's examples of what can be found elsewhere, I love you oh so very muchTotally, completelyFrom the very top of my headTo the bottom of my feetly, And another part really loves youIf you know what I mean!Its a place..not head nor feetBut directly in between, Rose are redViolets are blueMeet me at SpecsaversFor a right seeing toV4C, I already had an aardvark and an octopusSo you can imagine the almighty fussWhen I took home a hippopotamusWhen I did it again next day, me Dad just cusses"Two bloomin' hippopotamusesThey're as big as double decker buses""Actually", says I, "it's better to sayhippopotamiThough never double decker biDon't ask me why"but he did ask me why"Grammar" was my replyMe Dad thought I was taking the pissHe said " Hey, leave me Mother out of this"Grandma wasn't happy at me getting a new pet"I haven't finished the gloves for your octopus yet"She declares"I've only knitted 4 pairs(She wanted spares)And what's more, I'm knitting bootees for your AuntWell, not for her, for her ele phantIt's all such a palaverThat aardvark'll wait ages for his balaclavaI'm 82, me lad, and not a fast knitterAnd I don't want to sound bitterBut keeping 5 large creatures in a bedsitter.Is not very matureConsidering the manure", Violets aren't blue, they're violetAnd only some roses are redLet's continue this biology lessonEnsconced in your bed, Out of all the people I've ever met,You're the one who makes me drawThose silly little hearts on my papers.Be my Valentine..youve struck my awe, I'd give up Jim Beam and Jack DanielsAnd swear a No Smoking oathI'd take exercise and use weightsTo encourage (penal)(bosom) growthI'd improve my grooming habitsAnd discover wonderful places to dineI'd go to IKEA to improve my wardrobeIf you'd be my Valentine, A refusal will cause my enlistmentIn the French Foreign LegionI'd shun all connubial pleasuresBy padlocking my nether regionI'd shun all mind enhancing drugsOh yes, even beer and wineDon't feel any pressure, my darlingBut please be my Valentine, Being public spiritedIs so rewarding, I've foundI feel the urge to donate my organWhenever you're around.